"Scream for Jeeves; Or, Cats, Rats, and Bertie Wooster", later published as "Cats, Rats, and Bertie Wooster", is a horror comedy short story by Peter Cannon, first published in 1990 in the magazine Crypt of Cthulhu. A crossover between the worlds of H. P. Lovecraft and P. G. Wodehouse, the story is a partial retelling of "The Rats in the Walls" featuring Wodehouse's famous characters Jeeves and Bertie Wooster.
It was followed by two more crossovers in the same vein: "Something Foetid", which builds upon "Cool Air" and the Randolph Carter series; and "The Rummy Affair of Young Charlie", which builds upon both "The Music of Erich Zann" and The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.
Synopsis[]
Bertie Wooster, a well-meaning but not particularly bright British socialite, receives a telegram from his old friend, Captain Edward Norrys, requesting assistance. An American businessman named Delapore, who is the father of Norrys' late comrade, has restored and moved to his family's ancestral property of Exham Priory, where he is being tormented by bizarre dreams. Meanwhile, Delapore's cats have been acting strangely as well. Norrys asks Wooster to come over to Exham Priory and bring his astute valet, Jeeves, "the only one who can get to the bottom of this mystery". On their way, Jeeves impresses Wooster with his knowledge of certain legends concerning Exham Priory, which was built on top of a prehistoric temple that dates from the time of the Druids or earlier.
As soon as they arrive, Norrys explains that Delapore is suffering from delusions, and asks Wooster to "humour" him while Jeeves tries to figure out the cause of the problem. They also get confirmation that the nine cats of the house have all been restless, chasing after something within the walls. At dinner, Delapore talks at length about the terrible stories told about his ancestors. The next morning, he relates a dream involving a monstrous swineherd and his entourage of flabby beasts. Wooster, on the other hand, has slept splendidly. The next night, however, he is awakened by the noise made by the agitated cats and finds his host awake in the corridor, rambling about the sound of rats, which Wooster cannot hear. They are joined by Norrys, Jeeves, and Delapore's servants, and jointly decide to investigate the Roman vaults underneath.
By the time they arrive at a ceremonial chamber, most of the cats have calmed down, except one, who paws at the bottom of the stone altar. Jeeves notices a draught of air that indicates the existence of an even deeper vault beneath this one. The party retreats, unsure about how to proceed, until Jeeves suggests that they return to London to gather a group of archaeologists and other scholars, which Norrys and Delapore agree to. While Wooster is relieved to get away from the place and tries to "beg off" the subsequent expedition, Norrys insists that he and Jeeves come along until they reluctantly agree.
Once the altar stone is lifted, the party consisting of Delapore, Norrys, Wooster, Jeeves, five scholars, and the cat Snow-Man, descend into the tunnel to a staircase filled with human bones, leading down to an immense grotto containing prehistoric ruins. A nervous Wooster lights up a cigarette. Snow-Man, possibly scared by the sudden flash of light, claws at Wooster's leg, giving him such a fright that he runs away into the cavern and gets separated from the group. While trying to get back, he stumbles upon Delapore, now completely insane, babbling about cowardice and cursing Wooster's family in both English and Latin. Wooster runs away from him and bumps his head in the dark, losing consciousness as a result. When he wakes up in bed, Jeeves informs him that Norrys is dead, Delapore has been committed to an asylum, and the rest of the party decided not to continue, as there are things that man is better off not knowing, a sentiment that Wooster heartily agrees with.
Trivia[]
- In this retelling, Delapore's infamously-named black cat is replaced by a white cat named Snow-Man, who accompanies the party in the expedition just like its counterpart had done in the original story.
- When Delapore talks about "ravenous, gigantic rats", Wooster recalls having read something about a giant rat of Sumatra some decades before. This is a reference to the Sherlock Holmes story "The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire", which mentions this animal in passing. Holmes himself would appear in another Jeeves/Mythos crossover by Cannon, namely "The Rummy Affair of Young Charlie".
- When Delapore is committed to Hanwell Asylum at the end, he is under the care of psychiatrist Sir Roderick Glossup, a recurring character from the Jeeves and Wooster series who first appeared in "Sir Roderick Comes to Lunch". The events of that story are also referenced.